My friend Lucy told me about a recent article in the NY Times about a woman and her family traveling to China to adopt a special needs child. Nice, right? Read the comments at the bottom:
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/02/bringing-home-an-adopted-girl-with-special-needs/
If people ask me about Frannie, where she came from, why we chose China, etc., I am usually thinking "educate them, don't be annoyed" but occasionally I want to slowly and methodically pull people's teeth out with a pair of pliers. How cynical do you have to be to give this woman THIS MUCH hassle?
Personally, we adopted from China because I have had female problems in the past. Personal enough for ya? Want to know a lot of details about that? We chose China and NOT the US because it might have been the END of me if a birth Mom changed her mind in the delivery room. Is that reason okay with you? We chose special needs because Frannie's missing thumb is not a big deal and YES, we felt horrible looking over the list of children and thinking "nope, that disability would be too hard -- nope not that one, no, not that one...." it felt HORRIBLE to mentally reject these kids. But God had a reason. Gracie will not be quite as EASY as Frannie. She will grieve horribly for the foster family she had in China who loved her since birth. She will require palate surgery and she will require a lot of speech therapy. Choosing a child from a list is a very strange and HORRIBLE feeling. I know God has a plan, but this just doesn't feel NATURAL. Well, we prayed about it and if a proffered child "didn't feel right," we passed that child's file back. Does that sound horrible to anyone? Wish we could have done it the NORMAL way sometimes, but we wouldn't have gotten Frannie that way. Wish I could have all those labor and pregnancy discussion with my girlfriends and sisters, but in the end, I get to keep Frannie and Grace which is better than any biological child I can imagine.
Hey, it's summer-time and I have time to rant and read long articles and feel sad about my Mom never meeting Grace. I am frivolously making a mosaic for my mailbox (and feeling very stoned from the glue) and enjoying our swim and play dates with friends. That's all I've got to say about that!
6 comments:
The comments I read with those articles were infuriating! I actually had to stop reading them. Great post!
Thanks for taking the time to read -- I couldn't believe it either and still can't. Hope you are doing OK in the countdown days!!!
Ellen-thanks for ranting, i've always wondered what it was like for you guys, how hard of a decision it must have been, how the physical changes to your body have affected such an important decision, and it amazes me how candid you can be with the honest truth. Thanks for sharing :) I think you guys rock as parents and Gracie will be SO blessed. Your grandmother died right before I was born and Mom always told me that it was because she was destined to be my guardian angel, I believe the same for Gracie and Ruby.
Ellen, hugs to you. We know what a wonderful family you are!!! Isn't it funny how all these people who would NEVER adopt themselves can give their opinions about the rest of the world. Well you know what they say about opinions.....
Those commenters made me sick....
Oh, Ellie. I know it must be frustrating to hear all that b.s., but really, I can feel God's hands all over your kids, so who cares what some anonymous butt head thinks? You were meant to be a mother to your kids, no matter how or where you come by them. I am sure that if God had laid it on your heart to adopt from the U.S., then somehow it would have miraculously still been our Frannie, and Gracie too! I am so sorry that you have to withstand so much heartache. Prayers for Gracie to come soon, and with miraculous healing. I love you. Shawnie
I’m wondering now if we can talk about your sites statistics – search volume, etc, I’m trying to sites I can buy adspace through – let me know if we can talk about pricing and whatnot. Cheers mate you’re doing a great job though..
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